Nico Nico-nii!
Nico Nico-nii!
Anata no Heart ni Nico Nico-nii, Egao todokeru Yazawa Nico Nico!
Nico-nii te oboeteru Love Nico!

Today is the birthday for the best idol girl of all time, Nico Yazawa! In this post today on this wonderful day I’ll talk in-depth about my undying love for the best girl of all time and why Nico is the greatest character ever written! To her flawless personality, adorable and well-liked character, to her amazing voice and tragic backstory that made us all love her even more, Nico Yazawa is truly the greatest idol of all time. From minute one of her screen time I have had nothing but love for her and the rest of the Love Live cast, but Nico holds a special place in my heart as the best of the Love Live girls by a mile and a half. None of the others even come close to approaching how much I enjoy Nico.

dieinafire
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But let’s be real for a minute, Nico is actually garbage. I have yet to see a character written worse, have a worse premise, and be executed worse in a sad attempt to salvage the bloody aftermath the abomination initially created to appeal to masochists left in it’s wake than Nico Yazawa. I didn’t even know where to begin with this post for awhile and then I just decided why not spend all of this week pouring all of my hatred for the worst anime character ever written into an appallingly long birthday post for this narcissistic bitch. (Joe said I was allowed to say that, blame him.) But please do stay until the end, or at least scroll there when you’re done crying over what the mean man said on the internet about the shitty character you got tricked into believing wasn’t trash so you can find where to send all your death threats. Let the bloodbath begin.

fuckinggarbage
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After me watching both seasons of Love Live along with the movie and getting the full animated Yazawa-san experience, I can no longer believe that there is a single soul on this planet that actually enjoys her personality. Narcissistic people in general are bloody terrible so why the hell once we step into the realm of fiction and the narcissist in question becomes a crappy idol do people all of a sudden just disregard that this crazy bitch is just full of herself? Her “friends” left her in her old idol group probably for the exact reason of her being a person they just couldn’t stand to be around. She’s intentionally making other people’s lives harder for no reason and I honestly don’t feel sorry for her in any way shape or form. She deserves every last ounce of the negativity in her life. “I have the right to be a self-righteous bitch when it comes to idols because I have such a vast amount of knowledge on them!” No you don’t, you fangirl wannabe cunt, you’re just an asshole. Fanning over other shitty idols all day every day for every waking moment of your life, submitting yourself to an idolatry lifestyle, that doesn’t make you better than anyone. None of the people you’re around enjoy you, they all just need you because if not you wouldn’t let them use the club room you’re stingily holding all to yourself.

dieplease
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Along with this imp having a personality home to narcissism so strong it’d make Rockefeller seem selfless, she also has verbal diarrhea filled with nothing but spiteful and deconstructive comments. Every word that leaves Nico’s mouth has this condescending tone to it that makes it seem like she’s always trying to hint at the rest of the room that she’s better than all of them. I’m a bit confused on why a character like Nico was included in an idol series when she shouldn’t really be idolised, never mind even respected, by anyone. I expected a large portion of people to spit in her direction and for the mere idea of her being a good character to be sacrilegious in the idol anime… community? I’m not sure what you all call yourselves. But honestly, how can you idolise a girl like this? I understand that massochism is a thing, but how can someone like a childish prick who does nothing to help others in any situation whatsoever unless something’s in it for her? How can someone like a bitch who plays the victim card only when it’s in her best interest?

burninhell
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For most things there comes a line where I wonder if my hate towards something is a little too much and if I actually hate that thing to begin with, seeing as hatred is a strong emotion in the first place. I can’t say I’ve hit that point with Nico yet. I might have the most genuine hatred for this fictional character than literally anything else. While thinking of what to say for this post there were a lot of moments where I stopped and wondered “Would this be so bad that it’d get me kicked from Anime Corps?” and that was the only real hesitation I had. Ultimatley I decided that if it got that bad I could just archive the post, put it on my personal blog, then delete this one. So I may reach level of not okay hate speach. If you like Nico I’d go scroll to the bottom for where to send those death threats now.

unlikableslut
pixiv link

This is a character so bad, so self-centred, so poorly written, and so unappealing that I feel like she deseves every doujinshi with the “rape” tag she’s in. A character so bad that the only way to enjoy her is to express unified hatred of her. Nico is living in a fantasy where she’s the main character and she expects every single person to treat her as a princess. She discards reality for a much more favourable selfish fiction. She expects pitty when she steps out side of her delusions. The Nico episode didn’t make me feel bad for her, if anything it made me hate the stupid bitch even more. You have to watch you little siblings by yourself a lot? So do I. And? You don’t get a lot of attention from your parents? Me either. And? You made up an idol story to your little siblings and since your old group failed it’s just a farce? That’s your own damn fault. You made up this story to assist your own suvival in your fucked imagination. You have such a toxic and borderline retarded state of mind that you believed that living in denial was better than seeking comfort from your little siblings when what happened, happened. Your siblings deserve a better role model. μ’s deserves a better idol on the roster. You have been presented with responsibilities and rather than take them on you have chosen to ignore them in their entirety and run away from them. You have been presented the opportunity to be role models for your siblings in a way that would mean even more to them in the long run than if you actually were a shitty idol and you discarded it for your own benefit. You deserve every bad thing that comes to you. You deserve every ill will that is wished towards you. The worst part of you being a fictional character means you’ll never learn how to stop being a useless shit-for-brains. However, it isn’t all bad that you’re fictional. Sure, you’ll never stop being an irredeemable pick who no one should ever like, but there are some up sides.

stupidbitch
pixiv link

For example, because you’re fictional I don’t feel bad for all of the hate speech I throw out towards you. Because you’re fictional I can use pronouns like “bitch”, “slut”, and “cunt” to refer to you when I normally avoid using words like that under any circumstances whatsoever. Not only can I use these pronouns, but I can imagine a world in which you’re deserving of all of these titles. Oh wait, that world already exists. Since this horrendous piece of trash isn’t actually real this would be the equivalent of me making up a person that doesn’t exist for me to hate on. The only difference is that someone who hates their lives and wants someone to blame it all on created Nico whilst I like to believe that my creative ability can come up with a characters that most people enjoy at least 50% of the time. I can say that Nico deserves to get raped, tortured, and killed not only because she does, but because she isn’t real and because the amount of hatred that the perfect character made to make my blood boil with undying hatred at a temperature only matched by the might of a million suns can invoke within me will never be replicated on a normal human being. A human being has value inside of them. A human being can eventually come to the conclusion of what they’re doing isn’t a good thing. How they’re treating others isn’t a good thing. Nico will never achieve that. She’ll never see how fucked up of a little dwarf girl she is. She’ll never see how she shamed the loli title. She has a value less than trash, because at least trash was once something useful. Fuck yourself, Nico.

Love, Tsuyuki.

niconicono

As promised, if you’d like to send me any hate messages or death threats (which are openly invited) please send them to my Twitter as I don’t think Nick will apreciate the comment section of this post being filled with things around the same scale as what I said about Nico. Thank you all for reading! I love all of you, even the Nico fans. pixiv links to each of the pictures I used in this post can be found in each image’s caption and the source for the header I used can be found here. Thank you, Nick, for giving me the opportunity to go easy on Nico on her special day. See you all in about twelve hours when this week’s editorial goes live!

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